WTS 1 Soul

I have got to meet this guy.

People have been trying to make the biblical God appear for millennia. There is no credible evidence he has done so. This, apparently, has not caused people of faith to lose confidence in his existence. God's will is truly inscrutable. But what about Satan's? Frankly, the biblical description of what Satan wants from the average mortal is quite straightforward: he wants your soul. And the devil, being malevolence defined, has no moral red tape standing between him and what he wants. The only hurdle between him and my untouched, pristine, mouthwatering soul is my pithy consent. So how about I make it easy for him?

This weekend I will be in DC attending the Jon Stewart/Steven Colbert rallies. What could be a more appropriate weekend to attempt to summon The Dark One than this storm of godless sanity?

People have been excusing the biblical God's seeming absence from the universe for millennia. But what about Satan's? Surely his will is not all that impenetrable. He wants my soul and there is no sin he wouldn't commit to get it. If I set up a table with a sign that says "Selling: 1 Soul," a line shouldn't even have time to form. I should immediately find myself in Satan's lavish study, contract in front of me, pen in hand. This is what he wants. This is all he wants. Every soul he acquires is one soul less for God.

So what if Satan does not appear? Is he merely trying to trick me? (Out of what? I'm offering him my soul!) What if, bare with me, Satan doesn't actually exist? Is it possible that he is just another fictitious character in our world's favorite bronze age myth?

Either way, I am going to try. This is happening. I am going to my best friend's apartment and we are summoning the Devil. I am going to catch up on my Christianity and my Satanism so we know what we're doing. I'm listening to all my Emperor records (backwards if I must), I'm rereading The Origin of Species, I'm going to play Doom 1 and 2 in their entirety (on nightmare difficulty if I must). This is happening. I am going to try to summon Lucifer and if he coughs up a fucking nickel my soul is his.